So, it's always been said that when you stop searching for something, you often find it. The harder you look, the less you can see. You end up finding the wrong thing, you find something that you think is right but it really isn't. You waste time on lacing up shoes that don't fit. Precious time. Time that can be spent on yourself. On finding who you are.
I find it incredibly sad that people can fall in love but be so terribly wrong for each other. That we can give someone a piece of us that is so important and it just really not be the best idea. We fall prey to infatuation. We become meat for the lion and try as we may we just can't escape the claws.
We become disheartened. We feel that nothing will ever feel the same again. We give up. We tell ourselves that we don't need someone to complete us and you know what, We don't. At All. We're already complete. We just need to find someone that can walk that mile with us. Make us smile and help to protect that valuable gift we give them.
Don't have "A Type".
Don't tell yourself that you can't have what you want.
Never ever feel that you don't deserve to want the best for you.
You don't have to settle.
Wait.
Breathe.
Learn to love YOU.
Learn to let the right people into your life by not seeking them out.
Don't search for love.
Let love search for you.
I read an interesting article, written by a man, about the two types of relationships we have. Fuck Yeah and Fuck No.
The premise being that if you aren't both Fuck Yeah, there's no point. It's so true. Why on earth we accept someone feeling Luke warm about us is beyond me. I want someone that wants me. I want someone who thinks that not having me in their life would be pretty shit. You shouldn't have to fight someone for their affection. It should come as naturally as breathing in and out. As naturally as a heart beating or an eye blinking. It should be effortless.
I stopped looking. I was having fun. Seeing friends, enjoying being me. Learning to love myself. I had finally made peace with being on my own. I threw caution to the wind and asked someone out on a date. Someone not my type in the slightest. I don't even know what made me do it. I'm not one for asking anyone out.
I didn't expect to enjoy myself as much as I did. We ate ice cream, we drank, we laughed... lots. It was casual and relaxed. I didn't dress up to the nine's. I was me. I had the best time. So much so that 5 weeks down the line we are together. I wasn't looking, I wasn't desperate for someone to complete me. I wasn't interested in being tied down again. It seems it was just my time.
So now I have this guy who is silly, the biggest nerd known to man, he makes me laugh so hard that I snort and I smile all the time. So many people have commented on how happy I seem. It's a completely different feeling to anything I've had before. It feels effortless. I don't feel stressed or anxious or that I have to try to mould myself into someone I'm not just to keep someone else happy. This person seems to like me just as I am. That's special that is. He's special.
So here's to starting this year in a positive manner. I don't give a shit if you are all fed up of my soppy stuff. It's nice to feel this way again. To actually feel that there's someone in this world that is on my wavelength. To not feel like an awkward nerdy freak.
I love him for that. For making me feel normal. For the first time in my life.
