I was recently reading an interesting article about dating and when "dating becomes a relationship". It got me thinking into how as humans we have this crazy courtship ritual before we are ever brave enough to say "You'll do" and make it official.
I do think that women perhaps chew this over more than men. Certainly the men leave it down to the woman to say "Yo, you gonna be my boyfriend or what?" as men are, I feel, happy to have this casual dating shite going on. Now in my past experience, I've just sort of drifted into relationships. It's never really been spoken about and after months of bugging each other and becoming inseparable, you sort of just assume that you're in a relationship. If no one ever actually says those words though, what are you?
The dance begins. You start to go out on dates. We get all nervous and panic. "What if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't want to marry me after 3 hours of watching me scoff food and spill drinks down myself?" Ok slight exaggeration men... we don't honestly worry that you won't want to marry us after 3 hours, more like 4... ;) The date goes hopefully well and then we go home and we churn. Girls think about this stuff far too much. We become enamoured after one date. We start to imagine how life could be with this person. WAY too much over analysing going on. Men go home and probably feel deflated that all they got from the date was a huge bill and a peck of the cheek as he dropped you home. No decent woman has sex on the first date apparently... Apparently.
I recently went on a First Date. It deserves capitals, as really, it was my first grown up proper date where I was actually asked and I didn't have to beg someone to take me out. It was SO nerve wracking. Laying yourself bare to this person who's only knowledge of you is a drunken night out with friends where you pretty much showed yourself up the whole time. It was great. We had a lovely meal and awkwardness aside it was really really great. So First Dates, while a bit scary are actually a fantastic experience. They really leave you feeling exposed and for someone who doesn't often face their true self, it really shows you a lot about yourself.
I've always found that if I like someone, I become very comfortable with them, really quickly. I don't find long drawn out processes interesting at the best of times and even when younger could never understand this "Seeing" "relationship" stuff. I was never interested in dating more than one person at a time so for me, I just didn't see the point.
So at what point do you actually class what you are as "something"? Is it important to give it a label? Is it just women that need that security blanket of being able to call someone "My Boyfriend" instead of "This is So and So. We sleep and eat together" I have many male friends and can probably say that many of them aren't ever fussed about having a label.
Relationships are safe and warm. Dating is scary and edgy and full of uncertainty. But I quite like a bit of danger. I'm enjoying getting to know this lovely person without worrying about all the shite I always have in the past. I don't feel the need to want to rush in and sulk that we aren't married with 4 kids after 4 weeks. Maybe I have grown up. Maybe I'm just fed up of having crap relationships that fill holes in my life. Who knows. All I know is... for once, I'm not chasing the label. I'm chasing the fun.
So ladies, or indeed gents that are like me and worry that someone isn't willing to label whatever it is you've got going, DON'T PANIC. If you enjoy their company, love spending time with them, have an amazing time while doing so, just enjoy the ride. ;)
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